Kira wants a Muffin!
by Insanity rise
Summary: Kira wants a muffin! And he will stop at nothing to get what he wants! Implied KiraRenji and KiraGin
1. Chapter 1

**Insanity rise: HEYA! I doubt anyone has read any of my writing in a long time! I'm sooo busy and uninspired…I have writer's block like really bad. Still, I managed to type this up. Anyway, this is just something random that struck me this morning while surfing fanfiction. I don't know why I wrote it, but I did. I guess I kind of wrote it for my buddy, Anniepopokios, since she adores Kira Izuru so much! Anyway, sorry if I can't quite keep everyone in character and everything, but keep in mid, this story isn't to be serious, it's pure stupidity! Updates will not be usual, in fact, they won't be often. I'll update if I feel like it I have so much other stuff to work on. This was a great way to relieve stress for me! It's nice to change from extremely descriptive writing to childish sentences! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!**

**Title:** Kira wants a muffin!

**Rating: PG…because I have a bad sense of humor!**

**Dedication:Anniepopokios!**

**Genre: humor**

**Summary: Kira wants to eat a muffin for breakfast, and he will stop at nothing to get one!**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Muffin TIME!**

The morning was calm in the Soul Society. It was average, not much excitement occurring. It may seem like this place was the peak of action, but sometimes you really did find yourself with nothing to do. It seemed hard to believe, but it could happen. And it was happening right now.

Kira Izuru sat on the couch in his taichou's office, a bored expression on his face. His blond hair seemed a tad messier than usual, but he didn't seem to notice. His hands were folded in his lap, his only visible eye staring off into the distance. He was attempting to decided upon an important matter.

What did he want to eat for breakfast?

The thought was practically driving him crazy! There were so many different choices! Of course, ti was a tad late to be eating breakfast, but still….Breakfast was the most important meal of the day! Or so Sesame Street had told him once, and from experience he knew that children's television never lied! He needed food!

Then, suddenly.

It hit him.

"I NEED A MUFFIN!" Kira exclaimed, jumping up from his chair, "A big yummy muffin with blueberries and creamed cheese!"

It seemed like a fantasy dream as he hurried over to the small food pantry and searched around. Tossing out everything that didn't look like a muffin, Kira soon found himself staring at an empty pantry with a crushed expression on his face.

"No…," he whispered like a disappointed child, "No muffin….muffin…no."

Oh when would the cruelty end? Why did they not have any muffins? Muffins were like the spawn of the clouds floating down to earth to share some of heaven's gentle bliss in the same of a doughy object. Where were there muffins? No true man could be whole without his muffin!

Devastated, Kira suddenly found an idea popping into his head. He could not give up! He would just have t go looking, looking for that muffin! Surely someone in the divisions would have a muffin! It was just the matter of finding out who…

However, if he expected this to work, Kira knew he would be needing some help. It would have to be someone loyal, someone he trusted, someone he actually knew. As suddenly as a brick falling from the sky, a name hit him.

"I KNOW!" He exclaimed and happily dashed off to find his man…

* * *

It was too early. Much too early. Renji liked his sleep, but that stupid Kuchiki brat had told him to go and do something useful. As if useful was walking around doing nothing! How could this be any more useful than sleeping! If someone could answer that question he would be very happy.

Little did Renji know, a pair of eager eyes was watching him from the bushes nearby. Actually, only eye could be seen, the other hidden by a mask of blond hair.

"RENJI!" Kira cried as he jumped from the bushes, small twigs and leaves exploding like confetti as he approached, "JUST THE MAN I WAS LOOKING FOR!"

Renji gave him a terrified expression.

"Whoa Izuru," the red head replied, looking entirely shocked, "I thought…that position belonged to your taichou…but…"

"No Silly," Kira put his hands on Renji's shoulders, "You're the only person I need."

Renji looked as if he had no clue what to say.

"Izuru," his eyes met his companion's, "I…I always knew."

"As did I," Kira cooed.

"You would…," Renji found himself blushing heavily, "come back…to me."

"Yep," Kira grinned," all that warm, toasty, marvelous goodness was just too much for me to let go."

"What changed your mind," Renji returned the smile, leaning in closer so he could see his friend's expression clearly, so close he could feel the boy's breath on his face, "I mean, why do you choose me? I mean, I'm all for it…just wondering."

"So you'll help me then!" Kira broke away and suddenly began dancing wildly, "I get my muffin!"

Renji's expression changed from calm, to shocked.

"WHAT THE-….A MUFFIN!?"

"Duh," the reply was like a child's, "What did you think I was talking out."

Renji just stood there, dumbly. He suddenly felt extremely embarrassed, his cheeks turning a dar shade of crimson. He look down at the ground, a goofy smile coming over his face.

"Oh um," he fumbled for words, not wanting to admit his true thoughts, "nothing…"

"So," Kira beamed, "wanna help me get a muffin!?"

"Depends," Renji looked thoughtful, "what's in it for me?"

"I'll…," Kira thought it over, "give you half the muffin!"

"Okay," Renji agreed, knowing he had nothing better to do.

"Great," Kira exclaimed, grabbing Renji by the arm and hopping off, "Next stop! The Kira Kave! NANANANANANANANANANANA KIRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Renji just blinked, wondering exactly he had gotten himself into.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **Just thought I'd update this again! It's such a wonderful stress relief! Pretty short chapter, but at least I actually updated something! XD I'll let the wiritng speak for itself! Enjoy! And Please Review!

**CHAPTER 2**

**THE PLAN**

* * *

"Kira," Renji asked in a muffled voice, "I though you said you had a secret hideout!" 

The red head had followed the blond for what seemed like hours. They'd ran down streets, through hallways, and into elderly citizens(whatever they were doing in the Gotei 13) and over fences. They'd ran by captains and company members, and a specifically rabid gray cat. Then, after all that, Renji found himself contained in a small closet with Kira practically breathing down his neck. This famed "Kira Kave" had turned out to be none other than the 3rd company janitor's closet. Renji scowled as he found a mop jabbing his side, the smell of dust bunnies overwhelming him.

"This is my secret hide out," Kira crossed his arms over his chest, "The Kira Kave. I come here to do my planning…and other things…"

Renji didn't even want to know about those "other" things, he just wanted to get out of this cramped space. Perhaps the only way to do that was to aid this foolish blonde.

"So…," Renji stared at him, "What were you planning?"

"Well…," Kira began shuffling around in the darkness until his hands reached a large pad of paper and a marker. He began drawing with ferocious speed, his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth as he looked at his work. Renji could only stare at him.

"AH HA!" Kira chimed, shoving the pad triumphantly in Renji's direction, 'Take a look!"

Renji's eyes seemed to burn when they came down upon a few squiggly drawings, reminding him very much of the artwork of a former shinigami member.

"You took art lesson from Rukia," he glanced over at Kira, "didn't you?"

"Yup," the reply was excited, "And she only charged twenty dollars an hour, what a deal!"

"Yeah," Renji snickered, noticing the man obviously didn't realize how much the girl had ripped him off. He was too busy with his drawing "bunnies" and "hearts".

"I was thinking we could search all the divisions and see if any of them might perhaps have a muffin or two, it might lead to breakfast, and a few hundred calories of pure cream fat and berries," Kira gave the other man a thoughtful look, "I DREW A MAP OF WHERE WE WILL START."

Renji looked down again, noticing a dotted line covering the paper. At the end closest to him, there was a place marked "start" with two familiar looking stick figures, and on the other end, there was a "finish" with a large muffin drawn. There were different illustrations of all the different companies along the dotted line, signifying their route. Wow, he had to admit Kira had whipped this up in only a Few seconds, perhaps this had been planned…earlier? Still, the artwork made him chuckle inside.

"We will begin by visiting 11th division headquarters," Kira announced, suddenly digging into his pocket and pulling out a pair of red cell phones, "We will use these for communications purposes!"

Renji just stared at the item as Kira tossed it into his hands. What was he thinking? This had to be crazy, perhaps his companion was ion one too many medications, or maybe he had truly lost his marbles…

"However," Kira looked thoughtful again, "If one of us gets caught then our kidnappers will be able to read our messages."

Huh," Renji looked down at the phone, 'Why can't we just-"

"Too risky," Kira shook his head, "We will use only "text" communication from here on out."

Suddenly, something struck Renji.

"Do you mean to say we will not be together on this "mission" or whatever you call it?"  
"HECK NO!" Kira seemed amazed by his friend's comment, "We will both be going to different divisions. I will take 11th division first, you will take 12th!"

That sure sounded like fun, getting pounded by Zaraki Kenpachi for sneaking around his headquarters. Renji knew that 11th division was no welcoming committee, but 12th company wasn't good news either. Both were just plain bad choices. However, Kira obviously had his mind made.

"Now we will need some sort of secret code so others can't understand our conversations should one of us lose our communication device," Kira pointed out.

Silence followed.

"I'VE GOT IT!" Kira flipped out his phone and began typing frantically. Renji's phone begin to beep a tune similar to that of the hit song "Barbie Girl." He answered it.

Inside he found a text message from Kira reading the following:

Hy Renji wot up? I lyke usin ths kind of spek on da fone!

Renji's eyes nearly exploded. Kira just grinned.

"It's net speak," Kira informed him, "It's like the hottest thing right now. It makes smart people look like idiots and idiots look like a normal member of the crowd!"

Renji;s eyes twitched.

"You'll learn to love it," Kira smiled and gave Renji a shove, sending him toppling from the closet, 'Now let's go! Kira out! FIND ME A MUFFIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Renji could do nothing but groan.


End file.
